Eight and a half years I held on to Hate. I am generally a loving, caring and forgiving person- hate is too strong of a word and far too strong an emotion to feel towards one person. But I HATED this person for what they did. Or, what I spend eight and a half years thinking they did.
Thanks to Adele's beautifully heartbreaking new song and previous months of soul work, meditation and personal growth, I had the most gut wrenching epiphany I have ever known. When it finally hit me that it was I, not they that had been the problem, I felt sick. I cried for the longest time and was so wracked with guilt and this desperate need to apologize. But what good would the apology have done? Did this person still care or even remember? It had, after all, been almost a decade. And what was I hoping to achieve by opening old wounds and dredging up the past? We had both moved on, had lives and families and plenty of time had pasted to make it a distant memory. But I just couldn't let it go. I went a little crazy trying to figure out how to go about asking forgiveness but nothing I thought of seemed like a good idea. I just had so much anxiety about this and in reflecting I realized that this situation had been the cause of a lot of anxiety and pent up emotion over the years. Hate and negativity will do that to you.
I shared my problem to a few friends and fellow soul sisters who gave me some amazing advice and counsel. With that advice I spent some time in prayer and meditation about it all, making sure my intentions were true and I wasn't just looking to clear my conscious. I wanted to make sure my heart was in it for the right reasons and my apology was genuinely from the soul. I went on to write a long letter to them, going over everything. It took ages to write and as I wrote I listened to memorable songs and cried- I truly poured my heart and soul into this apology letter. When I was done I read it out loud and I finished by asking God to take my words and let them be heard by the heart that they were meant for. Then I set it on fire and prayed some more while I watched it burn. (I was really channeling my inner Adele wasn't I?) When the ashes had cooled I let the wind take them and I felt this weight lift off of me. I felt such peace; peace that can only have come from God and from letting that hate go. It was the most perfect way to celebrate a New Moon and the changes that it brings. I love how the new moon symbolizes a fresh start and a clean slate. I felt euphoric! I wanted to end with an affirmation so I pulled out one on my affirmation cards and was floored at what it said. I 1000% believe that there is NO cookie cutter way that God speaks to us. I think that intuition and Divine Intervention are tools that He uses to communicate. How else would I have chosen this spot on perfect card??
Thanks to Adele's beautifully heartbreaking new song and previous months of soul work, meditation and personal growth, I had the most gut wrenching epiphany I have ever known. When it finally hit me that it was I, not they that had been the problem, I felt sick. I cried for the longest time and was so wracked with guilt and this desperate need to apologize. But what good would the apology have done? Did this person still care or even remember? It had, after all, been almost a decade. And what was I hoping to achieve by opening old wounds and dredging up the past? We had both moved on, had lives and families and plenty of time had pasted to make it a distant memory. But I just couldn't let it go. I went a little crazy trying to figure out how to go about asking forgiveness but nothing I thought of seemed like a good idea. I just had so much anxiety about this and in reflecting I realized that this situation had been the cause of a lot of anxiety and pent up emotion over the years. Hate and negativity will do that to you.
I shared my problem to a few friends and fellow soul sisters who gave me some amazing advice and counsel. With that advice I spent some time in prayer and meditation about it all, making sure my intentions were true and I wasn't just looking to clear my conscious. I wanted to make sure my heart was in it for the right reasons and my apology was genuinely from the soul. I went on to write a long letter to them, going over everything. It took ages to write and as I wrote I listened to memorable songs and cried- I truly poured my heart and soul into this apology letter. When I was done I read it out loud and I finished by asking God to take my words and let them be heard by the heart that they were meant for. Then I set it on fire and prayed some more while I watched it burn. (I was really channeling my inner Adele wasn't I?) When the ashes had cooled I let the wind take them and I felt this weight lift off of me. I felt such peace; peace that can only have come from God and from letting that hate go. It was the most perfect way to celebrate a New Moon and the changes that it brings. I love how the new moon symbolizes a fresh start and a clean slate. I felt euphoric! I wanted to end with an affirmation so I pulled out one on my affirmation cards and was floored at what it said. I 1000% believe that there is NO cookie cutter way that God speaks to us. I think that intuition and Divine Intervention are tools that He uses to communicate. How else would I have chosen this spot on perfect card??
The whole next day I felt this amazing tranquility and energetic vibration. I felt like I had nothing but love and peace in my heart. Nothing could get me down and I had this amazing positive outlook on everything! My Heart Chakra was bursting!!
When I got home I was changing into some comfy clothes and my otter totem fell out of my pocket and broke clean in two. I got this adorable little otter totem gem in my Sapphire Soul box a few months ago. It was randomly chosen; she had no idea that I have such a love for otters. It was a small little rose quartz otter that I fell in love with and always carried with me. I love what the otter symbolizes: Otter totem animals are friendly, adaptable, sociable, inventive, and creative. These original thinkers oftentimes use their creativity to produce unconventional ideas which may seem wild at first, but brilliant upon second glance. Born during “Cleansing Time”, Otters enjoy reformation efforts and helping others succeed. True humanitarians, otters possess the amiability and intellect necessary to succeed themselves.
Rose quartz is also known as the love stone and is associated with the heart chakra- Its not surprising that I needed that on my journey to cleansing my heart of hate.
They say that when a gem stone or mala (both used to set intentions in meditation and to serve as reminders of those intentions) breaks, it is meant to symbolize a broken cycle. You don't 'need' that mala/totem anymore. It's a sign to bring new intentions into your life as your current ones no longer serve you.
I was devastated but at the same time felt even stronger and more euphoric than I had all day. As I said earlier, I'm not a believer in coincidence, I believe in Devine Intervention and that God speaks to some though words and others through more tangible means and actions. I've dropped that otter I don't know haw many times and never once has he broken or even chipped. But the very day after I released hate from my heart, my rose quartz otter breaks in two. No, I don't think it was coincidence at all. It reminded me of the veil that was torn in two after Christ was crucified. We didn't need the veil anymore and I didn't need my otter, God was telling me that my intention for it had been fulfilled.
Letting go of hate and finding forgiveness is hard, it is never as easy as we want it to be or as we think it should be. I don't know why it took almost a decade to get to this point. Why couldn't I have realized it back then? My life might have turned out very differently if I had. Maybe that's just it though, my life wasn't supposed to turn out that way. Its supposed to be how it is, when it is. God has perfect timing and if you allow Him to, he will guide your journey. I'm so glad that I was able to come to this point and I have complete faith that my apology will find its way to the person it is meant for. Maybe not today or next week but I know God will reveal it to them in the proper time.
When I got home I was changing into some comfy clothes and my otter totem fell out of my pocket and broke clean in two. I got this adorable little otter totem gem in my Sapphire Soul box a few months ago. It was randomly chosen; she had no idea that I have such a love for otters. It was a small little rose quartz otter that I fell in love with and always carried with me. I love what the otter symbolizes: Otter totem animals are friendly, adaptable, sociable, inventive, and creative. These original thinkers oftentimes use their creativity to produce unconventional ideas which may seem wild at first, but brilliant upon second glance. Born during “Cleansing Time”, Otters enjoy reformation efforts and helping others succeed. True humanitarians, otters possess the amiability and intellect necessary to succeed themselves.
Rose quartz is also known as the love stone and is associated with the heart chakra- Its not surprising that I needed that on my journey to cleansing my heart of hate.
They say that when a gem stone or mala (both used to set intentions in meditation and to serve as reminders of those intentions) breaks, it is meant to symbolize a broken cycle. You don't 'need' that mala/totem anymore. It's a sign to bring new intentions into your life as your current ones no longer serve you.
I was devastated but at the same time felt even stronger and more euphoric than I had all day. As I said earlier, I'm not a believer in coincidence, I believe in Devine Intervention and that God speaks to some though words and others through more tangible means and actions. I've dropped that otter I don't know haw many times and never once has he broken or even chipped. But the very day after I released hate from my heart, my rose quartz otter breaks in two. No, I don't think it was coincidence at all. It reminded me of the veil that was torn in two after Christ was crucified. We didn't need the veil anymore and I didn't need my otter, God was telling me that my intention for it had been fulfilled.
Letting go of hate and finding forgiveness is hard, it is never as easy as we want it to be or as we think it should be. I don't know why it took almost a decade to get to this point. Why couldn't I have realized it back then? My life might have turned out very differently if I had. Maybe that's just it though, my life wasn't supposed to turn out that way. Its supposed to be how it is, when it is. God has perfect timing and if you allow Him to, he will guide your journey. I'm so glad that I was able to come to this point and I have complete faith that my apology will find its way to the person it is meant for. Maybe not today or next week but I know God will reveal it to them in the proper time.